my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
