I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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