Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
