Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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