I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Randomize
