If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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