His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
