This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
