I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
