I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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