I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
