When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
