we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
