and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
