i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
