as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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