I think I am morally bankrupt
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
