I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
