D3 body, D1 cock
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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