I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
