That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
