You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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