Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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