I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
