New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
