ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
and you fell through a lawn chair
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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