I'm drive I can fine osifer
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
