so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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