Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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