i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
