I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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