what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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