your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
