i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
