Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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