I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
