He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
