Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
