Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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