I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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