You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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