quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
