So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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