Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
