We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
