he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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