Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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