somebody snuck up and got me drunk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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