I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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