i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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