I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize