you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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