nut hugger
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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