I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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