you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
