The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
