Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
