I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
