So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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