I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
